Friday 30 April 2010

Charity begins at home…clichéd but it was appropriate for a title

Well now, times are a-changing, words are constantly meaning everything except what they are supposed to mean, certain colours and clothes are supposed to represent something else, certain actions are code for…well, something or another and so forth. Basically there are a whole load of unwritten rules and unspoken social conventions.

But the one I particular enjoy is the earphones/headphones one, you know, the “don’t bother me when I have earphones on” rule. I say this because well it kind of holds true for me, if I’m walking along the streets or I’m in a bus listening to my music, please don’t start striking up a conversation with me please, it…bothers me.

It bothers me more so because as a deaf person even if I were to pause the music, then take out the earphones, I still wouldn’t be able to hear you as well so I’d have to put in my hearing aids, wait for it to start up, then listen to you. Seems a lot of trouble to go to just to hear “Bit cold today isn’t it”.

No. No it actually isn’t, I find the temperature to be quite ok today.

Wednesday 28 April 2010

4 elephants on a giant space turtle? I’m sold…

Finally finished The Colour of Magic and straight away got started on the sequel The Light Fantastic and I’m hoping it’ll be just as an adventure as the first. I’ve really been into the Discworld series quite recently and to be honest I’m glad I did decide to see why in popped up in many of the tropes in TV Tropes because the books have the sort of humour that I find my type and the parodies are enabling me to really enjoy these books.More adventures of Rincewind
I just received my third Discworld book to keep via the post today and I look forward to be able to read that but I really do have to read the ones I have already before I get started on that. Man I love the Discworld.

Tuesday 27 April 2010

Behind a wall

The internet.

Fabulous invention don’t you think? Being able to communicate with anyone in the world instantly, surely that can only be a good thing?

Well, it certainly has its good and bad things about it. One of the main bad things that stand out for me would be the anonymity.Internet Tough guy 2

Yep, because people are safe in the knowledge that they are behind a screen and that the people they encounter on the internet, they’re not likely to meet them in real life so why be pleasant, why not put up a facade and well…be a troll and do things you would never do in real life, do to random people who you can’t see what you’ve wanted to say or do to people in real life because when others get mad it’s funny right? Well, that depends on whoever’s viewpoint you decide to look at it from.

Now I’m sitting here thinking about some incidents I’ve witnessed and experienced using the internet and as a person that likes to frequent certain forums because I like to hear people’s views on events and other happenings and it never ceases to amaze me how  different and extreme some people can act on the internet.

The first place I thought of was BBC 606 forums because that never cease to give me amusement what with all the really pointless arguing and bickering over…hmm…nothing? It really is in my mind always going to be a failure of a debate when you decide to discuss who is the better team out of X and Y? Not only this on this forum  but on other places they will “discuss” topics such as “who is the better actor?" “Whether the Nintendo Wii is good console for hardcore gamers?” Or one topic that crops up time and time again and it’s one I hate and that is “Which is better? Rock or Rap?”.

People will bring out statistics, facts, opinions, insults about someone’s intelligence and just argue for their cause. Sometimes I’m tempted to wade in and simply say “Hey, isn’t it all subjective, therefore you can’t really say whichever one is better?” “Each to their own” and all that but I get the feeling that the moment I do so they’ll stop their arguments just for one second to simply reply “Yeah we know that, so what?” and then get back to arguing anyway. I think I like to hold onto the belief that they know that it’s a futile argument. Why they continue to do so I’ll never know but they do.

Now, the hatred that spews forth from our anonymous person’s keyboard is something that puzzles me as well because I’ve witnessed quite a lot of it recently on…surprise surprise, Formspring. I think it’s fact that it empathises the fact that you can be anonymous on that site so people ask questions that they would never ask in real life. Even then, they still don’t want to ask with their username showing so then it just becomes a question asked by nobody.

I just think that if someone is going to be anonymous for reasons such as they want to say something outrageous that they’d never normally say but don’t want the recipient to find out who it is then for me is just pointless as then it just becomes unnecessary and add more hatred in a place where everyone just hates too much.

Now on the other side you have the people who get all hot and bothered by it, I guess it’s the nihilist in me that’s wondering why people get so bothered by it. People getting angry because of me really do make me laugh especially when I’m being calm and rational about things but I think that’s what makes it even more antagonising. I’ve had teachers and peers tell me that I was more than capable of being a shit stirrer of sorts and I’ve wound up a fair few people simply by not having an opinion and being indifferent to things.

But why does it rile them so much? Why are people so bothered by what some person millions of miles away from them think of them? It’s not as if they’ll ever meet them and even so, isn’t what you think of yourself more important? The hate that people receive on sites is quite frankly ridiculous but it’s just as ridiculous as the people who take it to heart and get bothered by it and hate back… and then there are the people that hate on the other person even when they are making a valid point but because of whatever reasons they get angry at this and just…ugh I don’t want to even talk about it anymore because it’s ridiculous. Maybe I should talk about something more positive or something because people in the world isn’t going to get much better for me, so I may as well brush dirt of of my shoulder and continue along doing what I like without a care in the world.

The only thing that annoys me is when some person steals your fish, I mean how frustrating is that…Stole my fish

Monday 26 April 2010

Mmm…Fabulous

Ok, time for another entry here in my Diary and what is on my mind right now is a whole load of different things and I’m feeling…well I’m not even sure how do describe how I feel because I’m not even sure what it is that I feel overall.

Well the sun is shining and I feel slightly weird because I don’t know whether it’s because I’m reminiscing or not but I have quite fond memories of what the atmosphere was like around this time back in school especially after the long cold winter nights where people just seemed to be stressed out over things such as the Christmas Production or the holidays but then again Christmas is said to be a stressful time. Not exactly sure why the summer is less stressful as exams are usually approaching but I could tell that people were a lot happier and messed around more often but it was all in good fun.

Now I’m sitting here doing nothing because…well there is nothing to do…oh hang on my Shepherd's pie is finished I’m going to get that now. Anyway there isn’t much to do today except for read I guess and to text Emily so I can hear of her day seeing how more goes on in it than mine.

I’m currently reading The Colour Of Magic and just on the last part of it now after reading the part about where dragons that only exist if you believe in them and I’m enjoying the novel and have placedThe Colour Of Magic the film version as ‘High priority’ on my Lovefilm rental list as I’m curious to see how they translated it to film but there’s a whole load of films and DVDs that are high priority so I guess that I’m in for a bit of a wait but time is something I have quite a lot of nowadays.

My knee continues to be a bit of a bitch and it sucks how it even happened in the first place but right now it feels as if there’s something out of place (which there was, a ligament), just lying inside there being useless and it really is affecting my comfort a bit and it looks as if it will stop me from playing in the finals this Saturday which is a bit of shame but ah well, thems the breaks.

I’m disappointed about how my season went as I feel I didn’t have as much impact as I felt I would have had liked to have had so maybe that might spur me on to stay another season and go out in a blaze of glory but it really does depend on several factors and even so, it might not even be a good idea to continue but it might just be that in the case of all of this, I’ll just have to wait and see.

I leave you with a picture that I’d like to share. Why? Well, why not.Muddy bus

Thursday 22 April 2010

You should know that already…


SNAPE KILLS DUMBLEDORE!!!……Oh, wrong book, but that sort of has something to do with what I’m about to say. Not that I care about it but some people do so…yeah spoilers for this book approaching.

This book is basically about Cynthia and one night as a fourteen year old finds her family go missing (sucks to be her) with no explanation. 25 years later she does this crime show or something which hopes to get answers on what happened that night, later on she receives a letter which makes no sense and soon she starts to realise that stirring up the past could be the worst mistake she has ever made. Dun dun DUUUUUUUUUUUNNNN

Thursday 8 April 2010

The Lone Arcwolf: Part I

How does the lone wolf operate? Well basically they’ll leave the pack when they’re a cub or whatnot and just fend for themselves. They’re a lot stronger than pack wolves due to their solidarity but there are some things you just cannot do on your own.

I suppose the whole point of this particular thought was to ponder why I felt so alone at times. I’m writing this on the 3rd November 2009 and it’s a pretty wet and gloomy Tuesday morning 11:54 to be precise.

So yeah why do I feel so alone? Why am I the way that I am? Why do I feel this need to push people away and to shun company? Why do I feel like an outsider no matter who I hang around with? Maybe it’s something of an identity crisis and I’m still searching for who I am, because I certainly don’t understand myself and it is this I feel will solve a lot of things for me. Once I find out who I am, and why I do some of the things I do, I feel that I’ll be better prepared to head into the unknown which is the future.

How did I reach this point?

On Halloween...no lets go a bit further back than that, In October I attended LEAP, which is a workshop program designed for people who have been out of employment for a while and strives to get people back into work by giving...no, reminding people of skills that they already have. It is an intense 3 week session that promotes various aspects such as team building, confidence boosting etc all in the form of various exercises. Even if a person believes that they do not need help with this sort of stuff (Like me at the time) it hopes that you then realise something about yourself that you didn’t know and benefit you in some way.

So yes I did go to this course and I spent 3 weeks there doing the challenges and exercises but do I feel I learned more about myself on this course? Honestly not much. But that’s not to say that it didn’t benefit me at all as that would be a lie, after all, without doing this course I wouldn’t then be interested in finding more about myself and what I was capable of, I would have been content in just wasting away my days doing nothing constructive.

Omegle, a site where random people can chat to each other and have conversations, I would spend days just on this site talking to people for no reason other than wanting to just talk to someone that didn’t really know me, which of course meant I didn’t have to behave in a certain way and that I could be more myself.

So one day I randomly get connected with Anatalia and we’re just chatting away and she turns out to be an fun sort of person so I continue talking to her and I’m having a good time, I get someone to talk to as I can’t talk to my real life friends (not without lack of trying) and she gets…well I don’t know but it was a win-win situation at the time.

Her sleeping patterns combined with the time zone difference meant I got to talk with her nearly every single day but Halloween approached and I believe it’s customary for a party to occur on the night or at least trick or treating

So Halloween approaches and I guess I was foolishly hoping that she’d have nothing better to do even though deep down I knew that she wouldn’t waste this day talking to me so here I am...alone again wondering who I could talk to that I guess was similar.

I had grown bored and weary of all my friends so I guess I was looking for a new “project”, a new friend that I could analyse and study in the hopes that I might find someone who was similar to me, someone who understood what I felt, someone who was just like me.

But what was I? What were the traits that would make a person similar to me? What were the qualities and behaviour that I would deem to resemble myself in a person? As I racked my brains for traits and qualities of how I would describe myself, “Lone Wolf” was one. It often irritated me that I was seen somewhat of a “loner” but I guess I’d use that word in my search.

Lone wolf, Wikipedia, read some information, get linked to another page, read more information then finally,

Loner chat. I didn’t want to type those words in but if it helped me find a person to talked to then fine. Obviously it didn’t and I knew it wouldn’t but I read more information and one particular statement caught my eye, a statement saying how the word “loner” really shouldn’t be used in a negative way but people will always believe the word has negative connotations. Obviously intrigued I carried on reading until a certain Myers Briggs Typing indicators came up so I “googled it” and got some results and an online test to do saying it will help you find out your typing. Ok then, let’s do this thing, just yes or no answers, ok

You have a messy desk workspace etc Yes/No

You prefer to read a book than to go out to parties Yes/No

You get pleasure from solitary walks Yes/No

The process of working out the solution

Is more important than the solution itself Yes/No

So I fill out all questions and click “score it”

I’m an INTP type, ok that means nothing to me (yet), but I read a description of the INTP type person and suddenly everything makes sense.

This wasn’t like some astrology bullshit where people read into it what they will and interpret the meanings just to suit them. This was cold hard facts I was reading here, I’m tempted to say that it covered every single aspect of my personality and answered most if not all of my questions as I didn’t really have to put any effort into trying to fit myself into a particular category. This wasn’t astrology and your horoscopes where people try to fit square pegs in round holes, no no no, this was flawless.

“But Jason what on earth are you talking about?”

Psychology, it’s as simple as that, if I didn’t want to study it before, well I certainly do now. I’m actually glad I did it in the first place. Sitting on that train to Newbury with the options of my A level choices, I remember look at the list of choices and thinking nothing interests me or at least nothing interests me enough for me to pi...psychology, hmm I don’t even remember what I thought but deep down I know that I had to study it as if it was calling to me and that it was something I needed to study for my benefit. In a way, I didn’t choose psychology, psychology chose me. Anyway I picked it and I’m left with 2-3 more choices and I know for a fact that I must have spent a majority of that train journey with nothing but psychology on that piece of paper wondering what else I could choose, wondering what else would call out to me, and thinking that there went enough choices. In fact let me go through my possible choices, the ones that were on my shortlist.

· Maths- ok that strangely was appealing to me, and something I did put down on the paper before crossing it out (probably). Like a fool I was easily influenced and put off of maths, not because I found it hard or anything but because I didn’t want to be tough by Ms Mckellar. I suppose it wasn’t so much that I didn’t like her but the fact that I was worried about what people especially my friends would think. Yes yes I know “Jason.....actually caring what others think?” and “Let me go outside and check that the sky isn’t falling in” but anyway I didn’t pick it because of what others would say and for that I was a fool.

· Performing arts- singing? Check, dancing? Check, acting? Check, drama? Check. So why didn’t I pick it? I dunno, certain events I remember vividly. This isn’t really one of them, but I have stored in my memory banks that myself and Ken went to someone to find out how many were interested in doing performing arts when we found out that it was just going to be us and Indy (wasn’t sure about Kirsty) we bolted. I’m not sure whether it was because we expected more or whatever but....no actually. Ken bolted and me being sad pathetic sheep that was unable to think for himself about important decisions, I decided not to do it as well. Shame really as that is something I wish I could have done and really would have been interested in.

· English Lang or Literature- How I took one look at that and said no. Not because I thought I couldn’t do it as I could anything if I tried (more on that later if I remember). But because all I could remember was how much of a fuck up I am and how much of a fuck up in class I was and even how much of a fuck up I was in the exam. No seriously, what kind of retard finishes well before everyone else then decides to take a nap rather than check through his answers and wakes up 5 minutes before the end of it (the first finish not the extra 25% time) and realises that he’s completely overlooked the last two questions worth 25 marks each, big marks, enough to change a C grade into a B grade, certainly more respectable, but decides not to take up the extra time just because he sees that his friends are leaving and he doesn’t want to be stuck here alone. I’ll tell you who, Jason, Jason Mycroft. The dumb fuck.

So then I’m left with very few options. Science is a no-no, a technology is a no-no. Business studies? Ok that sounds boring but I know most of my friends are picking it so I guess it could be fun...no I don’t want to be seen as a sheep so I’m crossing that out. *Clap.....clap......clap* the one time where you probably should have been a sheep, you go ahead and do the exact opposite. It’s no wonder you can’t stand yourself Jason.

You best hurry with your choices, the trains is close to Theale and its 2 more stops to Newbury better make up your mind there. Ok ok ok, erm, I’ll pick P.E I guess, the lessons are fun because Mr Owen is cool, Mr Gwynn is strict but we’ll only have him once a week (Curse those Thursday mornings). Yea P.E will be a piece of cake. Just have one more subject to pick. This is the part where I remember flirting with two options and I forget what the other was but ultimately I end up choosing history. Great no problem there, Psychology, P.E and History, what could go wrong, besides if I don’t like one I can always change it, just fake your mum’s signature and we’re done you just roll your way through two more years there, how simple, its two more years of friends, two more years of football, two more years where I don’t have to be at home. What could possibly go wrong?

I only received an A Level in P.E and that was an E. =/

6th December 2009 1:35am

What gets me the most is when people don’t understand my need to be alone, or when they try to claim that they are somehow “better” than me because they are more “sociable or whatever”. Yes I remember it actually Philip or Lee said it and to be honest it wounded me a bit but that was a while ago since then I’ve come to terms with my idiosyncrasies and behaviours and have a better understanding of myself and can quite comfortable say to that statement “no, no you actually aren’t and it’s laughable if you think that you are”. You have no understanding of how certain people work. Urgh just urgh.

7th April 2010 11:49pm

Everybody is different and is stimulated by different things so ultimately there will always be things that are enjoyed by a lot and a things that are enjoyed by a few, there is nothing wrong with that at all. What people need to learn is that there will always be things that people enjoy and things people don’t enjoy, people will always seek to maximise their enjoyment and lessen the time spent with things they don’t enjoy and just because this happens it is not to say that you are somehow “better” or “worse” because of the interests enjoyed but rather just different. There is no ranking of anything.

Ahhh, such is the life of me…

Wednesday 7 April 2010

Boredom the killer

I’m so bored. This Sunday cannot come quick enough as I’m really bored at the moment. Normally I’d have football training today but my knee is preventing that so I just spent the whole day doing…nothing.

Tomorrow won’t be any better as there really isn’t anything to do except probably watch the DVDs I got from Lovefilm or something. Either way I just want to be with Emily at the moment and it is kind of frustrating me that I can’t do that at the moment and I’m stuck in this place which I hate.

Friday should be a better day what with Heroes being on but the day will be quite boring, nothing to do except read or watch DVDs. On Saturday though Dr Who and Heroes yay and there’s no risk of me missing any parts of Dr Who due to me not playing football for my team although I might go watch them rather than just be bored doing nothing.

On Sunday though, that’s what I’m waiting for…

Tuesday 6 April 2010

Party. Hard.

So I reach another entry in this blog and to be honest I never thought I’d lasted this long as I half expected to just finish with it. Well I did want some sort of schedule but knowing me I’d never stick to it at all so I update it as frequently as I can.

So my knee has swelled up due to an old injury of sorts which I probably should see the doctor about but from past experience and from what I know, they’ll just fob me off with painkillers and tell me to get plenty of rest which does nothing for preventing it in the future.

I was invited to a house party of sorts and to be honest I will never want to go to parties of these sorts especially as I find them to be quite the draining affair. I’d much rather be happier doing things that I enjoy doing rather than going to a place I wouldn’t really want to be. Sure that makes sense right? But it annoys me when I have to justify why I don’t want to go to parties and all that. I shouldn’t have to, if I don’t want to go it’s simply because I don’t want to go and I have better things to do. It annoys me that it most of my friends are non stop party goers and when they want me to go they don’t like to take no for an answer.

What I find even more irritating is that they see it as something weird that I don’t do parties and events and even use the fact that most others go so I must be weird but the thing is numbers prove nothing, three hundred people could argue against one person that rain falls up but they’d still be wrong regardless of the fact that more people are arguing that fact.

I’d much rather read a book or play a video game than go to a party and talk to people that have very little in common with me, make illogical statements and whatnot. This is not me looking down on them, far from it, we just have different interests so why should I have to go somewhere where nobody will be interested in what I really want to talk about and likely I really am not interested in what they want to talk about.

Ok ok ok, but it’s a chance to catch up with people they exclaim but the truth is, I’m not that much interested in your lives, that’s just the way I am, I find the lives of humans…boring. I’m not really interested in what you are doing in university or whatever, I mean there isn't going to be a quiz on it later and it just bores me hearing about it. I refuse to be seen as the bad guy or whatnot here as it isn’t my fault nor is there something wrong with the fact that my brain just doesn’t find these sort of things interesting. It just doesn’t so yeah I’m not going to put myself through that if I can’t help it.

So I won’t really be attending parties and things like that which means I usually miss out of people’s birthdays because that’s how they like to celebrate it, with a party fuelled by alcohol and lots of it. My favourite kind (!).

Friday 2 April 2010

The best things in life are free

So while I’m currently having money troubles I can’t help to think, ‘what is the point of money’?

Money is only as valuable as we make it. A five pound note is only worth that because we say it is worth that when in actuality it is just a piece of paper with markings on it, yet people have killed for it, gone to prison over it and some have gone to extreme lengths to acquire it. Heck we’re in a recession over it, all over something that is essentially worthless but only with our beliefs and minds do give value to it.

So what would happen if we got rid of the concept of money altogether, if everything on this planet was free?

I think it would be a better place without the concept of money because without money there isn’t much point in being greedy. I’m not saying people will stop being greedy and be all ‘happy sharing lovey’ and all that but if you could walk into a store and take a plasma screen TV because everything is free, what would you need more for? If today I had 8 plasma screen HD TVs then I would sell the excess TVs for some money then use the money to buy myself other nice things. In a world without money we just cut off the middle man and just get the nice things whenever we wanted so what is the purpose of having excess TVs that are not doing anything?

Money isn’t just used to buy nice things and luxury items. It is also used to pay things like bills but what’s the point of it? All of it comes from the earth and it’s because of companies wanting money out of it is why we pay for things like gas, electricity, water. I don’t blame them as that’s the way it’s been for thousands of years but I can’t help but to wonder that if it was free things would be better.

The problem with a world where everything is free, some might say is motivation. What motivation is there for people to invent new things that’ll convenience us? Fame perhaps or the love of inventing things? Believe it or not, there are some people that just like to do things without the motivation of pay, those who don’t…well, they will always find their uses elsewhere. I know some work for the wage packet but in a world where everything is free the things that you’d usually spend the pay on anyway you may as well walk into a shop and just get it.

If everything free it doesn't mean that everyone would necessarily live in big houses and gardens and that nobody would choose to live in a dingy old flat. I think that people would understand that in a free world you don’t need big houses and massive gardens and the likes as it merely is a symbol of your wealth, the fact that you can afford to live large and not have to live in “peasant’s” housing but again without the concept of money why do you need to show off your houses and lifestyle when anyone can get it and live the same way you do.

Fact- You need food and water to live. Without it you die. Without money you cannot purchase food and water. Therefore you die. How the hell does that begin to make sense?

Even the very basic stuff you have to pay for which quite frankly is ridiculous because it seems you need to PAY to keep yourself alive…er what? So this constant pressure of getting money in order to maintain your lifespan is what is confusing me, it’s like you are born into this world which you have no choice in the matter and then to stay in this world you are charged with nearly everything in your lifetime.

It’s the same with healthcare, let’s say that you are dying and you need to have an important surgery but you don't have the insurance so you can’t get it. It defies logic to me, you need to PAY to keep yourself alive? It seems being alive is now a privilege and when you neglect to keep yourself alive and die you are seen as…well actually you aren’t seen as anything mainly because you’ll be too dead to know what they see you as.

Sure it might take a while for people to adjust to the mentality of it but I firmly believe that a world where everything is free would result in a better world.