They say...a leopard never changes its spots. Try as it might, but it can disguise itself for all it wants but eventually it shall reveal itself to be nothing more than a leopard.
The fact is, no matter how hard this leopard protests otherwise, no matter how it carries itself or how it tries to pretend it is something...this leopard really really isn't.
Am I...am I just magnifying the negative aspects and threatening to overlook the positive traits that I have? Possibly, but right now...that's all I can notice. Right now, that's all I can see. Negative. negative and more negatives thrown into the mixture that I call my life.
Okay. As I go to work today I try tell myself that today is going to be a start for me, today is going to be my day. I woke up...I should have known something was up when I didn't feel tired or cold getting out of bed despite the window fittings and how it operates in winter. Yet I proceed along like the carefree, careless individual I am.
Then it happens...it gets lost...it comes crashing down. Despair welcomes me into its arms like a lost child running straight into the waiting arms of their mother.
But I shouldn't let it beat me...I can't let it beat me...I...have too much...and at the same time, nothing to lose. As Tyler would say "I'm a fucking walking paradox".
So off I travel to work...heh...this isn't even the lowest I've been but this is pretty bad regardless...
I...lost...the day I was born I lost. All I can really do is to reduce the deficit but the end of the game...I will lose. Defeatist? No, realist. There's only so much I can control that when you feel that you've lost control of them...that's when you feel that you made the wrong decision with the things that are in your hands.
