Today will be a brief one

Really have to stop thinking these thoughts…it’s like I can’t just be happy and I have to find something to bring me down. Or maybe I was never actually that happy in the first place. I don’t know anymore. I really have no idea what I’m really doing in life anymore.

Slimfast

Oh wow, I've lost weight? I didn't notice...well, didn't notice that it was as much as they said it was but yeah. Hmm I suppose so, still would like to lose more but either way this is what I said would happen, I'm really am starting to wonder why people do not listen to me more.

I did say that before the surgery and when I was told to stop playing football that I would put on weight due to lack of football so I didn't need people to point that out to me especially as I'd be losing it all again when my operation was done.

It was hard at first but only because I'm a stubborn person and return a bit earlier than I should and didn't let on that my knee hadn't fully recovered but hey I love football that much.

So what's next? Well like I stated I'd like to lose more simply to be a bit more agile when twisting and turning out defenders but I just don't have the discipline to go to the gym or whatnot regularly so I rely on playing football to get me the way I need to be.

So here I go continuing on a journey to be the best, the very best like no-one ever was.

Attacking it head on and with force

Hmm, hmm, hmmmmmmmmmmm, my procrastination has led me here, heeeere to my backlog of things to do/watch/play/listen to/whatever else adjectives that spring to mind.

I am writing this waaay before this has even gone up as a blog post so maybe (unlikely somewhat) I've done some things on the list already but so far....nah this isn't going to be a list, it's a muthafugging plan of action bitches.

Right first things first I must finish Final Fantasy XIII-2 within the week or something whilst alternating between watching the anime Claymore and the DVD Deano lent me.

Not only that, I have to also finish Fire Emblem: Shadow Dragon on my DS so whether I play that on my travels or before I sleep it's got to be done.

Haven’t we been here before? Alternative title: Same shit, different toilet of a tournament

England out, oh deary me, and on penalties too. What a shame and the same topics come up in discussion as the last time they were out of a major tournament.

Do I feel bad at this? No. Just no. Italy deserved to go through and the only reason I'd've ever wanted to see England go through to the final is so that the training scheduled on the exact same time as the match would have to be cancelled but it doesn't matter now does it, they are out =D

I was watching the match at the…boozer and I was talking to someone…(memo to self, must make an attempt to actually learn the names of my temporary workmates) and they mentioned about how when it comes to England football games, the culture is one that you see on documentaries and programmes which at first you think that it can’t be true and it’s merely an exaggeration but you know something? It’s not.

Strange people around me, strange people indeed. Awesome

Ohhhhhhhmeeeeeeeeguuurrrll. Interesting site, veeeerrry interesting. Yeah it's something special, talking to random strangers about anything. I'm actually a big fan of the topics option where you can now select interests that you wish to talk about and the programme will match you up with people with similar interests and chat away about the topic (or not, could always ask for my ASL and that like some do). Anyway, due to similar interests in at least one thing it gives you a platform for a conversation.

I'm loving it at the moment, just having funny and interesting conversations with good people. It's nice to be able to talk about stuff that perhaps not many of the people I know are interested in like anime and manga and the awesomeness that is Jason. Plus if I ever feel like trolling people then thy will be done.

Heh the problem is always afterwards and chatting to them. The initial buzz you get when first meeting them isn't there so I dunno, conversations seem to get padded out with a heck of a lot of small talk and me being the blunt guy I am...yeah.

Either way it's still fun chatting to them and it gives you a chance to learn about new stuff and to get a fresh new viewpoint on whatever.

Hmm, I wonder how Sammi is doing...I really ought to say hi

What goes around…yup that’s it

I feel...I feel like, my importance is criminally understated but maybe that's due to others just not understanding how the world works...or at least them not really understanding how I myself view the world.

Now, friends, funny little lot with their quirks and traits. I mean what defines a friend anyway, what do I think a friend is? I don't even know. I suppose I can say I know a lot of people, others I merely tolerate but I guess I'm glad I know a lot of good people that I'd consider friends.

Well they got through, can’t say I’m over the moon about it but whatever

Hmm, okay you wanted reasons why I do not like the England team? The reason why I was disappointed when Sweden lost to England? The reason why I’m disappointed England got out of that group stage?

I suppose one might call me a Anybody But England person but I like certain players and certain teams style of football and England are not one of them. They play an incredibly dull style (though given time I will actually appreciate an organised and compact system). I also cannot stand their arrogance and their misguided superiority when the truth is that they are just not that good.

The other reason is that whenever England is the topic of the discussion, it tends to bring out the ugly racist side of people and I can't help but feel like I don't want to be a part of that culture, a country which they are inherently racist. To support them unconditionally would be like to support racism and that goes against every fibre of my principles. It just how I roll, I don't do things unconditionally anymore, everything I love, everything I do, everything I say is all because I want to and not because I have to.

So no I will not support England out some misplaced patriotism or whatever, I will support them when they play good football (bearing in mind good football for me doesn’t necessarily mean fancy flicks and fancy tricks) and if people aren’t cool with that then I’m not sorry and I really don’t care.

Arrghh…my head…so many thoughts…

¿Que? What is this? Why do I keep coming back here? I swear I'm over her so why do I feel this way?

Quite simply it's because it's certain actions you feel aggrieved by, also the lack of...hmm how shall I put this? Karma? Retribution? Hmm, it makes it sound like she deserves punishment and that she is evil but it's not the case at all. It's the whole she practically has this good thing going and you've got what? Nothing really, it seems like you're worse off.

I'm annoyed because...I stay guarded and I close up my emotions because it hurts when someone betrays you like that...but maybe it's because when you don't show any sort of emotion for so long...things feel forced...I...I...can't even laugh properly anymore...my sense of humour is shot.

Let me tell you a story, this guy does drugs and gets a buzz from it and keeps doing it because he enjoys that buzz, that buzz...that buzz he lives for but one day, suddenly that buzz doesn't feel the same any more, like the sensation has been dulled somewhat, that his body has adapted to it. So what does he do? He takes harder drugs to get that same buzz, that same rush that he felt earlier but the same problem arises and the cycle continues until it gets to the point where the body cannot take it anymore and just breaks down with the abuse.

Okay so you're saying that the things that used to give me satisfaction in the past doesn't now.

No no, please do continue, I insist

Ohhh so arrogant, the arrogance that flows through your veins and sweats out from your pores. Oh never mind the fact that you honestly don't care about things you are not interested in, I am not belittling it or anything, I just don't care. That makes me arrogant I suppose. Oh well, then I guess I'll continue to be oh so arrogant.

No I really do not look down on you or your endeavours, not at all. Oh course I think it's mindless prattle but that's only in my view and what it means to me. You carry on talking about irrelevant things to me. I don't care about who's sleeping with who and all that sort of gossip so I'll allow you to carry on with that talk while I do my own thing over here. No no no, please continue, I do not mind it at all. Honestly.

No square shall enter in the circle of winners

Curren$y would no doubt probably be one of my favourite artists if I smoked weed or something simply because the production he has on his songs and his flow and rhymes just is so amazing, laid back and is so chilled but as it stands I don't smoke weed but I still love Curren$y and his flow.

I don't remember the first time I heard him, I suppose it might have been Grown Man by Lil' Wayne featuring him but I didn't really pay much attention, even had Scared Of Monsters on my iPod for a long time and I still didn't think anything of him.

The void

Aaaaahhhhh, this has got to stop happening to me but that's what happens when you are me.

It's actually been quite bothersome lately, this hole...this void inside myself. I wonder, why now? I was perfectly content before but lately it seems that despite all the good friends and people I know, I have this feeling of loneliness.

Not just that I don't feel I can really express myself any more...that I've lost something, that I've become too stoic...

"Then again, the reason why that you feel that way is because you're too shy and that you don't really trust people that much. You've become too...aware"

I want to be brave, fearless, loud and reckless at times but I just hold back and it's so frightening to me when I do...because I hate being all shy.

I constantly belt out "Schrödinger’s cat, Schrödinger’s cat" at yet I don't follow that up a lot of the times.